Now Playing: older...they might be giants
Topic: Nothing in particular
this is a random rant
it is one page on 10pt times new roman
only read it if you feel like it
its a bit melancholy
if u do read it, just go w/ it
*hugz
I dont know why but i had the urge to type. to just type and type and type until everything i feel whether or not i know what it is is just gone from me completely so i dont have to feel any of it. or maybe i do want to feel all of it and im typing to get rid of this feeling of numbing cold that i have willingly succumbed to. i suppose it could just be form the boredom i am enduring or things that make you think or maybe its pms or its here for absolutely no fucking reason and i just have to go through with it because there is no other alternative for me. which i guess i dont mind, it gives me the opportunity to seem disturbed and to act as though the world actually cares about me when i know in my head that the world doesnt give a damn about me and that no matter what i do for now my ultimate purpose is still unclear to me. sometimes i wish i was one of those people who knows what they are going to do with their lives the moment they were born and then they go out and do it and it was every bit as good as they thought it was going to be. no surprises. of course if that happened where would we all be, would there even be a “fate” or divine intervention that we all believed in? it makes you wonder. i would say no. if everything was planned then wouldnt that mean that we would have no use for spontaneity. it would be like artificial living compared to what we are living now. of course if that was what was traditional who’s to say that our current lives compared to so called “artificiality of other lives” make our current lives seem superficial? doesnt it make sense to anyone that what we do is only “normal” because we have made it so? if i said to anyone in our materialistic lives if they ever wondered why what we do is what we do, they would likely agree to be rid of me or just to agree with something other than their own ideas because no one believes in themselves anymore or maybe they really would have thought of it and thought no one else had thought of it and it was their idea and they never shared it because they knew it would differ from the normalness that they questioned, which makes you think about how many people actually are in society today who think like this and how we would know if anyone else would think about it because our minds could be completely different, and they probably are, but if we all see things differently but have learned them to be the same thing, in a sense because there is no good way to describe it, then wouldnt be the complete cause of viewpoints? and how do we know that our ideas are original? maybe we were created by some other world and we live in a jar like a science experiment and they’re just so much larger than us that their existence is completely unfathomable to us which is why we never discovered they exist and control us. maybe we are robotic and only allowed to make minor decisions while they sit back and give us causes to see how we will respond. maybe we’re like their lab mice. maybe they know everything but what we know and through us they are trying to learn what we ourselves probably dont even realize we know and when they discover it things change. maybe thats how we have progress. or maybe we’re all actually stuck in a moment and time was a giant conspiracy invented to help us attempt to understand our environment. if you think about it, if time didnt exist the whole world would probably collapse. our order is so extensive and is so time related that if time wasnt here for us we probably wouldnt be capable of having a modern existence. like when bush tried to move the daylight savings time to a different date and the whole white house was afraid that the whole computer system would completely crash. or on a completely other side of the argument maybe we are ruled by a god and he controls all of our leaders that command the masses and we who challenge societies morals are the demons and the ones which the god is trying to eradicate after trying to convince the non-believers that there truly is an afterlife and all the other nonsense. of course that theory is quite likely impossible because i would probably be dead by now with everything i am saying and trying to fathom and make sense of. like relationships and such. why do we try to make sense of relationships and put labels on everything and be possessors of one another? why dont we just live and let things happen and when things dont work out then work through them or leave them? whichever is more convenient i suppose. but why must we possess one another? what is it about humans as social beings with the need to own and possess? what fuels our inner greed and selfishness? if we all had everything why should we envy one another and try to possess what may hurt another or yourself once you have it? why must we have personal gain and loss? why cant we just realize that we are one race, one body of people, one mass, and yeah we have differences, but at this point we’re all mixed enough to the point where no one is completely different because through interlinking we are all connected in some way. if nothing else our bodies are generally physically the same. we all have lungs, hearts, skin. there are variations yes, but variations dont effect the whole enough to make a completely different object. i love how we all have different definitions of beauty and yet so many people dont know how amazing they are or they need others to approve of them and tell them of their beauty, if we all have definitions then isnt everything beautiful which therefore makes everyone beautiful no matter what? doesnt that make sense? to anyone?
Posted by greypsychosis
at 9:04 PM EST
on fire
don't ask
hug me
chillin'
celebratory
sad
silly